hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
