Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
