You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
