I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
