I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
