You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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