Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
