there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
