I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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