I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize