Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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