Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
