Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
