Are we in a gay sports bar?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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