the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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