SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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