Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize