Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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