dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
