Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize