Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
