im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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