see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
