Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
