for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
