if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
what day is it and did you see me today?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
