..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Couch. On fire.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
