So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
