I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
