How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize