Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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