Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
