I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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