walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
