I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
