if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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