At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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