Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
