Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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