i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
