Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
