Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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