sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize