he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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