I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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