put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
