Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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