I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
