Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
