My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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