So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
