it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize