i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
