this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
