There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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