listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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