I feel like abortions should bother me more
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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