I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
