honey bunches of taint.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
