He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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