I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
