I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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