they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
