u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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