He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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